


Quest for sanity

by Inanna16



Category: Person of Interest (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-17
Updated: 2015-10-13
Packaged: 2018-04-15 05:15:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4594203
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Inanna16/pseuds/Inanna16
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shaw is taken by the Samaritan and Root is devastated. Every night she dreams of Shaw and every morning she wakes up in an empty bed. Until one day, Greer ofers the deal with the devil and world starts spinning around Root.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Fire In Her Eyes

_If we died tonight, would it ever be the same?_

_If it's over now, would I comfort you again?_

Root just got home. If there were any place for Root to call home at all, it would be Shaw's apartment, near the subway station, where Team Machine's current base of operations was.

Except there was no Shaw.

It was almost unbearably painful for Root to be here. However, at the same time, she simply could not abandon this place, where she and Shaw had so many happy moments together. Where Shaw made the first romantic dinner for her (shut up, Shaw doesn't do romantic). Where Shaw made love to her for the first time. And where she said those simple yet so meaningful words to Shaw, seeking nothing in return and receiving so much, knowing back then that she's the only one for her and she'll always be.

Every cushion, every glass, every wall, all of it reminded Root of Shaw.

Since the Samaritan took Shaw, Root was restless. She could not eat, she couldn't sleep. And were it not for the Machine in her ear, she would most certainly be dead by now.

Harold and Fusco both tried to help here, but there was nothing they could do for her. Reese was the only one who understood, having lost Carter a mere months ago. He would keep an eye on her during the missions and he brought her to Shaw's apartment for more than ten times, when she tried to find consolation the bottle, not caring if she ended swaying on her feet so badly she could barely stand anymore or if she got kicked out of the bar for taking part in any fight that happened to take place near her in that intoxicated state of mind. He was her guardian angel, strong and silent, eager to punch anyone who as much as tried to offend her.

But Root wasn't tankful, she'd prefer death to this life anytime. Without Shaw, she had no reason to live.

The Machine somehow sensed her despair and sadness, and never stopped whispering soothing words in her cochlear implant, but Root simply stopped listening.

Root took off her clothes and headed for bedroom, determined to take a sleeping pill to bear the night without nightmares. But, in her current state of mind, she had forgotten to buy another package of pills, and the Machine hasn't considered it important enough to remind her. Which, Root doubted, was because She didn't approve Root taking pills at all. Not that she was inclined to take any advices.

So, Root simply threw herself to bed, desperately trying not to think about Shaw lying right there, on that same pillow, snoring slightly, her black hair entangled and soft.

That night, sleep came to Root almost unexpectedly and she drifted away in a minute. But, it weren't nightmares torturing her this time. It was even worse, her desperate mind tormenting her with pictures of Shaw…as she dreamt of their first time together.

_Root just came to the library after saving a particularly stubborn number, whom she would gladly kill herself, only to save her the trouble of dealing with his whining and complaining. Not mentioning constant questioning about her source of information and threatening with lawsuits. Bastard._

_On that evening, library was empty, except for Shaw, who sat there, cleaning her weapons and keeping an eye on Finch's computers._

_Root stood there in silence, observing Shaw from behind the book shelve, admiring her concentration and skill, her astounding beauty and the complete lack of awareness that she had about it._

_When Root came near enough for Shaw to notice, she could clearly see Shaw's annoyance with herself for not noticing Root earlier. And something else, which Root could have easily taken for happiness, were it not Shaw._

_"Hey, sweetie," Root begun, "why so alone?"_

_"Root, you have to stop stalking me like that," Shaw decided to play annoyed card. "What if I mistook you for someone else and shoot you?"_

_"Why, Sameen, it's not like you didn't do this before," Root winked, leaning lightly at the wall behind Shaw._

_"That was different and you know it. Back then I wanted to shoot you," Shaw replied._

_"Is that so? And what do you want to do to me now?"_

_Shaw slightly blushed in the dim light of computer screens, causing Root's smirking. She loved pestering Shaw sooo much. And sometimes, she suspected, Shaw loved it too. She would just not admit it loudly._

_"Too bad you don't have any idea, sweetie. Because I do have lot of them. And you'd like some of them too, if I may add."_

_"Root…I…" Shaw stammered._

_"Yes, Sameen?"_

_"Nothing," Shaw just stopped, blushing furiously and finding her left shoe particularly interesting._

_"Well then, I should be going, it's really late. And the Machine booked a hotel room for me for this night," Root said, sounding little disappointed._

_"Right," Shaw said, "goodnight, Root."_

_"Goodnight, Sameen," Root replied, turning away and heading for the stairs. But, she managed to barely make tree steps, before Shaw called her name._

_"Yes, sweetie?"_

_"Root, you know… you can sleep at my place tonight," Shaw muttered. "If you want to… I mean…it's-"_

_"I'd love to, Sameen," Root was fast to grab an opportunity, which presented itself._

_"Good. I'll just shut down Finch's computers and we can go," Shaw said, focusing her attention on her right shoe this time._

_Root wondered what's with Shaw, but wisely decided to drop it for now. She really preferred sleeping on Shaw's couch (or maybe even somewhere else this time…who knows) to occupying some lifeless hotel room, regardless of its comfort and luxury she was sure the Machine had paid attention to._

_They got in Shaw's car without saying a word, and drove to her apartment silently, but not peacefully. Somehow, air was tick with unspoken…things. Root did not know what was it, but every time she chanced a glance at Shaw, she was quick to glance away, but not quick enough. Root wondered how they even managed to get to Shaw's apartment without an accident. Maybe the Machine took care of that somehow._

_In front of the door of her apartment, anyone who did not know Shaw, would describe her as clumsy, as it took her tree attempts to unlock the door successfully. By now, Root was so amused, that she simply could not keep her mouth shut anymore._

_"Sameen, have you somehow managed to catch a flu?"_

_"No, why," Shaw shot her a dark look._

_"Just wondering. You seem like someone who's certainly not freezing," Root slightly chuckled, pointing her glance at sweat drops, which rolled down the Shaw's cheek._

_"Root, just shut up and go inside."_

_"I've always imagined you'd say something like that, sweetie," Root purred, as she entered Shaw's apartment. She could almost felt Shaw blushing and rolling her eyes behind her back._

_"Here," Shaw said while tossing pillow and blanket at her._

_"And no pajamas," asked Root with a grin. "Do you want me to sleep in my underwear and catch a cold?"_

_Shaw rolled her eyes, trying to find something in her drawer, for Root to use for that night. Which was not easy, considering a height difference between them. Somehow, she found a (black) t-shirt and (black) shorts and tossed them to Root, who was by now enjoying herself all too much._

_"What's so funny," asked Shaw._

_"Nothing. I just think you are so sexy when you bend like that. It makes your ass look magnificent."_

_"Root, stop it. I'm going for a shower now."_

_"Want me to join you," said Root playfully._

_"No. You can use it after I'm done," said Shaw with a determined tone._

_"Aw, Sameen, why so serious," pouted Root, but to no avail. Shaw just grabbed some clothes and a towel and headed for the bathroom, quickly closing the door._

_At least she did not lock the door, thought Root with a grin._

_Ten minutes passed and Root could hear that the water stopped running. That meant Shaw was drying herself now… Root had to use more and more willpower to keep herself on that damn couch, instead of going right there and chancing a glance at Shaw's naked body. She could imagine she would be kicked out quickly, but her dreams would improve considerably._

_When Shaw finally finished, she opened the door, wrapped in one big (black) towel, and managed to say only "Root, you can—"_

_For on the couch sat Root, wearing nothing but her underwear, with one eyebrow raised._

_"Done finally, Sameen? I'd never take you for someone who needs so much time. But mouth drop is certainly improving my self-confidence," she said with a wink._

_Shaw rolled her eyes, trying not to blush, but blushing nonetheless._

_"And you're SOO cute when you blush, sweetie," said Root, while approaching the bathroom door._

_And then it happened._

_Trying to get out of the doorframe, with Root standing oh so close, wearing nothing but lacy bra and panties, Shaw somehow managed to press her back at the doorknob and unhook the towel she wrapped herself in. In the next second, towel piled up on the floor, and Root's mouth went ajar._

_Holy Machine!_

_Shaw was even prettier than Root even dared to imagine, not to mention a whole lot sexier! Her breasts were so round and full, her stomach was so flat and sexy, and Root barely dared to down her gaze, as she felt her heart burning in her throat._

_Shaw froze too, not sure how to respond. When Root looked at her face, she saw no horror in her eyes, but so much lust and want. Root almost choked, before she realized she was holding her breath, and had just enough time to breathe in and mumble "Oh, you're so pret-," before Shaw eliminated the distance between them and kissed her lightly, as if testing her reaction._

_Root's mind went blank as she kissed Shaw back, buzzing in her good ear threatening to knock her unconscious. At first tender and light, the kiss deepened and soon enough they were pressed against each other in the doorframe._

_Root cupped Shaw's cheeks, trying to pull her closer and deepening the kiss even more. Shaw responded eagerly, her tongue entering Root's mouth, toying with her own tongue, licking her teeth, sucking on her lips. This new sensation was something Root could not get enough of, dammit!_

_Shaw's breasts were pressed against her own, and Root could almost feel Shaw's nipples piercing trough the thin fabric of her lacy bra. When did she get THIS aroused? Was it possible Shaw was also fantasizing about this…about Root like this? If yes, why didn't she notice it earlier?_

_Root felt overwhelmed with sensations, as Shaw wrapped her arms around her waist, separating her legs with her hip, allowing her to press it against Root's crotch. Root moaned slightly, causing Shaw to smirk and attack her neck, sucking and kissing and biting. This was a completely new level of arousal, Root never experienced with anyone else before. She felt as if her skin was burning at the touch of Shaw's lips, kissing her lightly, at the place where she just clamped her teeth a split second before._

_Shaw's tongue was trailing wet circles at Root's neck, heading for her right shoulder and a collarbone, causing Root to gasp and barely suppress a whimper. There Shaw set for biting and sucking, leaving little red marks, accompanied with a smug shine in Shaw's eyes._

_Her hands unclasped Root's bra, tossing it aside and grabbing for her breasts eagerly, massaging them with her strong fingers, eliciting guttural moans from Root. She lowered her mouth and kissed one nipple lightly, before sucking it in her mouth as if her own life depended on it. Root's knees shook and she grabbed at the wall behind her back to keep her standing._

_Shaw's hands wandered lower, her fingers trailing the contours of Root's waist and stomach, massaging her lower belly and stopping right before the waistband of her panties. Root's legs clenched around Shaw's hip, revealing the desire that was burning inside of her._

_By now, Shaw decided that the doorframe simply won't do and pushed Root towards the couch, never stopping her ministrations, while Root was stumbling backwards and gasping at the same time._

_When Root fell on the couch, Shaw positioned one knee between Root's legs and started placing wet kisses at the soft skin of the inside of her right elbow, followed by light bites. At that moment, Root saw sparkles. Then Shaw moved her mouth lower and started kissing Root's belly, her kisses so warm, Root felt like her skin was scorched at those places, and goosebumps formed on her whole body._

_As Root chanced opening one eye just to admire Shaw's naked body, the way her breasts swayed when she moved from one part of Root's body to another, the shape of her strong shoulders, the curve of her stomach and the dark patch of hair between her legs. Root would love very much to get there, yes please. And while being there, stay for a considerable amount of time. If Shaw allows her near there at all, that is._

_But Shaw had no doubt Root would allow her to place a light kiss at the thin lace of Root's panties, just above her clit. Root's heart skipped a beat as her throat produced a startled gasp. That felt SO good!_

_"Mind if I remove those," asked Shaw, eyeing her panties._

_Root snapped open her eyes and managed to shake her head, gripping Shaw's shoulder with one arm, and the couch with other. It was all Shaw needed to pull that particular piece of underwear down her legs and throw it somewhere behind the couch. Root watched the action with eyes filled with arousal. She noticed Shaw's heavy breathing and registered the wetness she left on Root's left knee, which was positioned between Shaw's legs. Oh my, thought Root, mentally slapping herself for using the words Harold so loved to pronounce, before her line of thought was completely destroyed, as Shaw placed one long wet kiss on her clit. That alone was enough for Root to arch her back and produce one long moan._

_Shaw then moved even lower and nipped at Root's inner thigh, trailing bites down her leg towards the knee, as Root's skin felt ablaze. Fingers of her left arm were caressing Root's other thigh, while she grabbed her ass with another arm, producing soft long moan from Root._

_At some moment between now and eternity, when Root could've almost felt the wetness from between her legs starting to drip at the couch, Shaw simply shifted her attention from Root's thighs onto her crotch and dived into Root. That caused her half-closed eyelids to shut completely and her breath stopped somewhere in her lungs._

_Shaw took Root's clit in her mouth, sucking at it ever so lightly, and Root dug her nails in the skin of Shaw's shoulder, crying out "Oh, fuuuck!"_

_She could have felt Shaw's smirk against her clit, as she kissed it again and again, sending shivers up Root's spine. She just barely grazed it with her teeth, before kissing it again and biting it ever so gently. At that point, Root saw colors, little stars carved in the back of her eyelids. This could not be reality!_

_Shaw's tongue traced down and up Root's labia, while Root whimpered. Then she concentrated on Root's clit again, sucking it again with more force, and massaging it with her tongue after each pull. When Root was more moaning than breathing, her chest rising and falling heavily, Shaw gently pushed two fingers inside of her, as deep as she could, and Root felt her brain abandoning her, packing its stuff and leaving for good._

_It was as if Shaw knew her body all too well. She played it with ease, her fingers pushing strongly in and out of Root, curving with each pull and pressing at the spot inside of Root, she was never so aware of before._

_"Saaaameen...m…-"_

_Root surprised even herself with that, which earned her the raised eyebrow from Shaw, who just glanced at her and did not even try to move from her position, as if she decided to camp there for a while._

_"That….place…yes…so gooood," was all Root managed to say._

_Shaw knew all the right places and all the right spots, causing Root's body to tremble and shake, her muscles moving on their own will, and her heart barely managing to pump enough blood to keep them moving. Root never knew she had so many moans and whimpers inside of her. In addition, as if the mentioned just was not enough, at some point she heard her throat producing wailings, and she just did not care. If she lost consciousness right there and right then, she would not care. This was sooo worth it._

_While Shaw's mouth and fingers were busy between Root's legs, her other hand caressed Root's breasts, and Root grabbed it desperately with her left hand, her right hand entangled in Shaw's hair, pulling her head impossibly close. Shaw was eager to comply, licking and sucking with even more force, while adding the third finger into Root, which caused the latter to grip at her free hand with enough force to leave bruises, unable to control herself._

_She felt the tension building up in her nerves, between her legs and everywhere else, rapidly raising and threatening to send her over the edge in the matter of seconds. And then Shaw simply made one light lap over her clit and then one strong and warm, and Root's spine arched, her legs clenching around Shaw's head, and her inner muscles clenching around her fingers completely, holding them in place inside of her._

_Her throat, however, managed to produce "Sameeeeeeeeen," while her muscles spasmed, everything white and shiny before her closed eyes._

_The world went blank for Root._

Root wake up with rush of her blood trough her veins, unable to breathe, blinking rapidly at the darkness of Shaw's room.

Except there was no Shaw. And gasping for air, tears rolling down her cheeks and chin, Root doubted there will be Shaw in this room ever again.


	2. Echoes and Ashes

_If there's no return to the sting that makes you real,_

_Then should everyone always fear their inner dreams?_

It's not like Root and the rest of Harold's merry little band of misfits didn't try to rescue Sameen Shaw. Oh, they did, several times. All of which, much to Root's dismay and despair, ended without Shaw back in their hands. The only, though not nearly sufficient consolation, was the moment when Root snapped Martine's neck. She loved to remember that moment in those long winter nights, lying on the couch, trying not to blame herself and Harold for not being fast enough to save Shaw, before Greer pushed her in that damn van and transported her to God-knows-where.

The click Martine's neck made at that moment, her eyes slowly fading, but still showing surprise, lines of her face becoming dull, while all her life must've been running before her eyes... now, that must have counted for something. If it would’ve brought Shaw back, Root wouldn’t mind killing Martine for a hundred more times.

In her past life, Root has been anyone and everybody, depending on the current task, taking errands and killing whoever her next victim happened to be, without as much as blinking an eye. Back then, she wouldn't remember killing Martine. She'd be just a nameless woman to her.

Back then, Root would also not remember losing someone she loved. She simply wouldn't care, because at the time, there was no one she cared about. That was also a reason why she was perfect for that job and for that life, fearless and bold, ready to die if that was what the next day prepared for her.

When she found out about the existence of the Machine, the euphoria took her entirely. She was so happy, because back then she had thought that she had found a new reason to live – her personal God. And that felt so, so good.

But, accepting the Machine as her God, she also had to accept Her principles and moral values, the basic postulates Harold incorporated in Her code. And with that knowledge, looking back at her past life, remembering all the deaths she caused, all the abruptly ended lives, orphans and widows, Root felt the horror seeping in her bones, leaving her almost unable to breathe.

Then again, with Martine it was entirely different. Root was almost proud of herself for killing her, and the only thing tainting her achievement was the regret she didn’t get an opportunity to torture the bitch long and slowly, until she no longer could’ve prayed for Root to kill her.

Still, her death didn’t bring back Shaw.

**

_[Searching for a threat…]_

_[…Samantha Groves not found…]_

_[Continuing the search…]_

_[Assessing the virtual environment…]_

_[…estimating all the possible outcomes…]_

_**_

Root was sitting in Shaw’s kitchen, probing the chicken salad with a fork, wondering when the last time that she had some appetite was. She was a lousy cook, having specialized crumbled eggs about a decade ago, and since then managed to improve that recipe with some ketchup and mayonnaise. Which earned her lots of eye rolls from Shaw and constant mocking. And although Shaw tried to hide that smug look in her eyes, that she got every time Root praised her cooking skills, and mask it with an indifferent shrug, Root didn’t ever fall for that.

Shaw was really skilled in the kitchen, keeping her meals tasty and her knives sharp. On more than one occasion, Root wondered just when did she learn how to cook that good. It couldn’t have been in the marines, unless Shaw’s sharp tongue earned her a few rounds of peeling the potatoes or chopping the onion rings. Nah, thought Root. Shaw must’ve been the most obedient and goal oriented soldier ever. Which was why she readily pulled that damn fence down and sacrificed herself at the Stock Exchange.

At that thought, Root felt her eyes pricking, tears threatening to spill for the hundredth time that week. She gave up on eating and got up from the kitchen table, placing the almost full plate at the counter. Fingers trailing down the rim of the counter, she remembered so vividly the first romantic dinner (shut up, it was just an ordinary dinner!) Shaw had made for her.

_It was Friday afternoon, everyone in the Team Machine was already gone, and Root stayed in the library in order to write some code lines Harold had asked her to do for the next week. Outside, dusk was just falling on the Manhattan, and heavy clouds where threatening to all those who had forgotten to take an umbrella._

_Root was nearly done, when her phone rang, the X-Files intro ringtone echoing between the book shelves of the library. She almost jumped at the sound, searching for her phone in the darkness of library. When she finally pressed Answer, there was a familiar voice on the other side of the line._

_“Root?”_

_“Hey, Sameen,” Root purred, closing her eyes in order to shut out all the other things around her, except for Shaw’s voice._

_“Do you have some plans for tonight,” asked Shaw nonchalantly._

_“No, why?”_

_“Do you wanna come over for a dinner? I've just made too much food for lunch and…um… So I thought, if you’re hungry, maybe you’d like to come to my place later…?”_

_“Yeah, why not. I haven’t eaten properly in the last…four days, I think-“_

_“Root! You have to stop doing that. I’ve told you countless times, it’s bad for your health!”_

_“Sameen, I really love it when you play a doctor with me,” said Root amused, ”I’ll be there in an hour. Don’t change your mind and eat it all, sweetie.”_

_It was with a record speed that Root finished all her tasks, tucked her laptop in her backpack, turned off all the remaining lights in the library, and rushed into the late Manhattan afternoon. If there were any sad, smelly or angry by-passers at the streets, her mind just chose to ignore them completely, focusing happily on the evening that was about to come. She almost whistled, the pictures of the last few evenings at Shaw’s place dancing before her eyes._

_When she finally got in front of Shaw’s apartment, after climbing two steps at a time, Root pressed the bell for the third time, wondering why Shaw hasn’t opened the door yet. The Machine told her that Shaw was at home, so there must’ve been something that occupied Shaw for so long. But what that was, was beyond Root._

_When Shaw finally turned the key, grabbing the knob and opening the damn door, she was out of breath, a single sweat drop rolling down her cheek, blushing with a pretty nice shade of red. There was also a really big smile on her face. Root was surprised by that alone, not mentioning the very nice smell that was coming out of the apartment. And she also felt a sting of warmth in her abdomen, because Sameen Shaw was sooo rarely seen smiling. Root knew it better than to ask for more of those smiles, but nevertheless treasured each and every one in her memory, with special care. Because Sameen Shaw was a beautiful woman even when she was frowning (which was more often than not). When she smiled, Root felt like that stupid woman in that movie she watched when she was a kid, dancing somewhere in the Alps, spinning around, oblivious of the Nazis coming to get her and all the Von Trapps._

_“Umm…Sameen?”_

_“Yes, Root?”_

_“Mind if I…err…come in,” asked Root, wondering what got into Shaw this time._

_“No, no, of course. Come in,” Shaw was quick to respond, opening the door entirely, so Root could enter the apartment._

_The shade of red on Shaw’s cheeks was becoming more intense with every second. And she was also wiping her hands at the back of her (black) sweatpants, quickly hiding them in the pockets of her (black) hoodie, when Root raised an eyebrow. She was able to recognize a part of the t-shirt Shaw was wearing under the hoodie – it was her favorite Arch Enemy (black) shirt._

_“Sweetie, is everything alright,” said Root while placing a light kiss at Shaw’s right cheek._

_“Err… yes, why wouldn’t it be,” said Shaw with a frown, concentrating at some black spot on the wall behind Root’s back._

_By now, Root knew something must’ve been very, very wrong. She just couldn’t for the life of her decipher what was it. So she smiled, pulled off her boots and leather jacket, and headed for the bathroom to wash her hands._

_Halfway to the bathroom, she stopped in her tracks. For in the kitchen stood a table, full of different pots and plates. A bottle of wine and two candles included. Turning around, Root found Sameen Shaw frowning at her left flip-flop with intense concentration. Soooo…there is the famous lupus in fabula, thought Root, barely suppressing the grin. Lunch leftovers, my ass. Deciding it would be wise not to say anything for now, she opted for washing her hands first and obediently sat at the table._

_She could’ve sworn Shaw wasn’t breathing at all, because when Root took a fork with her left hand, she flinched, dropping an empty wine glass at the floor. When glass broke, little pieces of it flying all over the kitchen, Shaw just breathed out with a long sigh, not noticing at all what just happened. Root chanced a little smile and got up, carefully avoiding pieces of glass and coming behind Shaw’s back._

_“Sweetie, why so worried,” asked Root while gently tracing the contours of Shaw’s neck and shoulders with her (black polished) nails._

_“I’m not-,“ started Shaw and quickly stopped, as if she suddenly realized there were no words available in her mind._

_“You know I think highly about your cooking skills, Sameen. And I’m sure this red wine is just perfect. And what is it that you prepared for me tonight? I mean the meal, not the sexy underwear and cuffs…”_

_Root could’ve feel Shaw’s muscles pulsating under her touch, goose bumps forming on the back of her neck. She wondered if Shaw was ever this nervous before the mission of is it reserved just for Root. She hoped for the latter, now unable to stop the grin forming on her face._

_“I…it’s pork with balsamic cranberry sauce…I’ve seen it on the TV last week, so I thought…”_

_Root waited for another fifteen seconds and when it was obvious Shaw wasn’t going to continue the sentence, decided to take a risk._

_“Sameen, I love your choice of meal and I think it’s wonderfully romantic of you to do something like this for me,” said Root, still standing behind Shaw’s back and pulling her in a testing embrace. At first she gave in, leaning into Root, but then some part of her mind came up with a response._

_“It’s not a romantic dinner! I mean…it is a dinner, but just not a romantic one! I mean…you like pork meat, don’t you?”_

_“Yes, sweetie. I do,” said Root with a smile, leaning in to smell Shaw’s hair._

_“And you like cranberries, don’t you,” came another question._

_“I like them, too,” said Root, while placing a kiss at the back of Shaw’s neck. That woman’s gonna be the end of her, one of these days._

_“And you like…umm…those romantic…things,” said Shaw, her pulse so loud Root could’ve felt it on her lips._

_“I do. Especially when they’re connected to you, Sameen.”_

_“Alright-“_

_“…and when they’re something like a romantic dinner,” said Root, turning Shaw’s head into position more comfortable for a proper kiss._

_“Oh, shut-,” was all Shaw said, before Root kissed her passionately._

_Suddenly, Shaw was more comfortable with the whole situation and Root felt her hands pulling her into an embrace, careful not to break the kiss._

_When they finally set for eating, both of them were breathless from the kissing, their clothes a mess, but they were grinning like a pair of idiots. And the dinner was beyond perfection. It was like Shaw just won the golden medal and second best was also herself, from all the previous meals._

_Soon, Root was so full, she didn’t even bother to sit properly, while holding a fork in one hand and the glass of wine in another, with satisfied grin on her face. And then Shaw decided it was time for a dessert. Root’s eyes blinked a few times in disbelief at the adorable blue china bowls, filled with something that looked like a dream coming true for any kid (although Root knew no kids), and was in fact two scoops of ice cream, spiked with hazelnuts and little chocolate cubes, with hot coffee poured over all of it. Root’s mouth was wet instantly, her mind reminding her that she was so full mere seconds ago. But, she shut it down, prepared to eat that ice cream, even if that would be the end of her._

_Shaw grinned smugly, satisfaction in her eyes oh so obvious. Root didn’t mind it and instead let her have it. She deserved it, as much as she deserved all the sex that happened that night, when they both managed to roll from the table onto the bed._

_Root later realized it had been a month exactly, since their first kiss and love making. She didn’t bother to count the days then, but Shaw did it for both of them. And it made Root feeling something in her gut, something she didn’t dare to decipher back then._

But now, Root knew all too well what was it. The same feeling she felt now, against all the odds and reasons.

**

At those first weeks after the Stock Exchange, they tried everything. She and Reese followed every trail, traveled to every God-forsaken place in the United States, only to come back to NY empty handed. Harold has been helping them from the subway station, navigating them through the woods and villages, tracing the car plates and telephone numbers, never leaving his desk. Root suspected that at the same time he conducted another search in his own ways, although he didn’t admit it to anyone of them.

Root refused to believe that Greer and his goons killed Shaw. She was convinced Shaw was too important for something like that to happen. They must’ve been keeping her somewhere, but where could that be – that was beyond Root’s apprehension.

And it was the lack of help from the Machine that bothered her, more and more with every unsuccessful trip into unknown. As Harold had said before, humans are born with the free will. The Machines are object oriented.

Root, considering the Machine her God, used to think She was far better than that, refusing to believe She was just an ordinary (although somewhat big) piece of software. But, if she was right, what would that mean? If the Machine really had the free will, then why all this?

Root dreaded the thought of the Machine, seeing her suffering, moreover – seeing Shaw suffering (Root shuddered at the thought), and doing nothing. Since She was an all-seeing, all-knowing God, there was no way in hell She didn’t know where exactly at that moment Sameen Shaw was and what the Samaritan agents are doing to her. And She just kept that knowledge for Herself. That thought alone was tormenting Root nearly as much as thinking about Shaw.

She was so used to the way the Machine spoke to her, like she was the most important person on the face of the Planet, beside Harold. Root was never jealous of his status, after all he was the father of the God and she gave him all the credits for that. But Root loved to believe the Machine felt something for her too. Something more than just the ordinary care She showed for every other human being.

And she was starting to doubt that now.

At first it were her nightmares, where she’s been enduring the ten thousand deaths, one more agonizing than other, crying for the Machine’s help and receiving none. Every other night she’d wake up screaming, gripping the sheets in horror, her gaze piercing trough the darkness of the apartment, afraid of falling asleep again. She even considered asking Harold for permission to sleep in the safe house or in the subway station, and she would have already done it, were it not for her inability to leave Shaw’s apartment.

Then that fear slowly started eating her trough the daylight, more vivid every time she and Reese broke into another house or factory, killing countless (not so innocent, she liked to think) people in their wake, calling Shaw’s name again and again and finding nothing but an empty bed here and an empty torture room there. It was like John Greer was toying with them without much effort, succeeding in multiplying their fears with every new place they busted. And Root suspected that maybe, just maybe he never even got Sameen out of NY in the first place. They were a bunch of fools in his eyes, she felt it now more than ever before. And the Machine kept her virtual mouth shut anyways.

She would only start to speak to Root when she entered Shaw’s apartment, whispering soothing words, Her mumbling only stopping when Root was fast asleep. Not that she was able to hear it through her own screams when she woke up in the middle of every other night.

She just couldn’t understand it. If the Machine had the free will, then why was She reluctant to help them in their search for Shaw? On the other hand, if She was just (Root still denied that possibility) a piece of software, object oriented, did it mean that She just didn’t consider finding Shaw one of her primary objects?

Those thoughts always found Root in those long and lonely hours, before it was time for her to go to bed and she hated that.

In her old life, she had no God and no one to care about. Then she found the God, and thought she changed her life for the better. She became a believer.

Then she found someone to care about, and was so happy, not daring to believe she had been lucky enough to find them both. She became a person in love.

Then she lost one of them, and was slowly losing another, not even sure if the latter had something to do with the first.

And if she gives up her God for the woman she has already lost, what does it make of her?

 


	3. Blood Red Reality

Harold Finch turned on the light in the subway station, blinking a few times as his eyes struggled to accustom to the artificial light, running on the electricity provided by the huge generator he managed to put in use for all the devices he kept in there. It was crucial no one discovered about their presence here, since the subway station was abandoned a few decades ago, in erratic budget cuts campaign, run by one of the previous city majors. It was since then disconnected from the main subway lines, and through the years everyone in the city simply forgot about it, except for the rats and spiders. Which Harold was not afraid of.

  
When he first discovered this place, with the help of the Machine, he didn't like it all that much. It lacked the basics needed for working (and living) there, not mentioning the digital infrastructure he needed for all his computers, in order to access (or hack) the necessary databases, and of course in order to communicate with the Machine. And there was no chance in hell he could bring the books here. Not that he needed them lately, because in the past few months the Machine started spitting the whole social security numbers, which meant Harold no longer needed all the books to decipher who the next number was. But now, with the Samaritan at large, he suspected it wouldn't last, expecting the moment when the Machine would have to start keeping a very, very low profile with a sense of dread. And then Harold Finch would need his books, or there would be no chance for him to find out whom they needed saving or stopping.

  
I took him nearly two weeks to bring there all the devices he needed, and all the furniture necessary for him, John and Root to spend their days in there. At first he had brought few desks and chairs, three shelves and some cupboards. Then he decided to bring in two large cots and asked John to find out what he could do about the bathroom. It wasn't so easy to bring it all there, because of the constant possibility that someone could notice what they were doing. And with all the precautions it took much longer for them to do everything Harold wanted.

  
When they finished putting the furniture together and implemented all the necessary pipes and tiles, it was time for Harold to sit and boot his computers. Although he didn't need Root's help and wasn't keen on letting someone touch his working devices, he accepted it with a little smile playing on his lips, glad that she felt good enough to offer it. She was so jumpy these days, dark circles around her eyes, her skin a sick shade of white, her hands trembling as she held them in her pockets, trying to hide the condition she was in. And when her long slim fingers danced over the keys, she looked a little better at least.  
Today he sat silently in the subway car, unsure what to do first. It was 8 am and he was already awake for two hours. Since he couldn't sleep, he decided it would be the best if he came here and did some work, making himself useful. Bear was with him, occasionally barking, just to remind Harold of his presence. When he turned on his desktop computer, along with the various monitors, Bear decided he wasn't needed there and opted for lying on the blanket beside the entrance of the subway car. He fell asleep, as Harold dove into the research about various aspects of post traumatic stress disease. As his fear grew with every new tab he opened in the browser, he heard footsteps on the entrance into the subway station. Turning his head a bit, he noticed John, who looked terrible.

  
Harold had suspected for some time that John had other problems, beside their common issues at work here in the Team Machine. And by other problems Harold meant Zoe. She and John had been in an on-and-off relationship for about a year now, and it seemed things aren't going very well there. Harold hasn't heard from her for months, and John refused to talk about her at all. Not that Harold cared all that much about Zoe, but John was his colleague and a friend, and he hated seeing him in a state like this today.

  
There was also a Joss Carter issue, which John avoided talking about at all costs. Harold had tried to bring it up countless times, earning nothing but a deep frown from John. So he gave up, hoping that it just wasn't a time for that yet, and eyeing John with a suspicion every time he came to the subway station looking like shit (which was a word Harold would never pronounce loudly). If John noticed Harold’s frown, he was reluctant to show it or mention anything at all.

  
„Mr. Reese, good morning,” said Harold, turning his head back to the monitors.  
“Morning, Finch. Didn’t expect to see you here this early. Already working your ass off,” said Reese with a frown.  
“Indeed, Mr. Reese. Why are you here, this early?”  
“Couldn’t sleep. Zoe left for work and I figured I’d better make myself useful here. What are you doing?”  
“There is a little research I’m doing right now. Would you like to participate or would you rather take Bear for a walk,” asked Harold, never stopping the typing. He doubted John had slept at all last night, but wisely avoided mentioning it.  
“I’ll take him for a walk to the park,” decided Reese. He didn’t like Harold’s look, half expecting him to jump and pull the truth about last night out of him. A walk was definitely a better choice than standing here and waiting for Harold to ground him, or whatever he’d do next. So he took Bear’s leash and headed for the exit. For a long moment, Bear seemed to be the only one at the subway station who was genuinely happy, his tail waving restlessly.

  
**  
Half an hour later, Reese came back, finding Harold as he left him – still seated at his desk, typing with the speed of light. He knew Harold heard the noises he and Bear produced, but decided not to spare them a glance. Something about this morning wasn’t promising a good rest of the day.  
“I’ve brought you a cup of tea,” said Reese, placing a steaming cup filled with sencha green tea at Harold’s desk.  
“Thank you, Mr. Reese,” was all Reese got from Harold.  
“Harold, is there anything you’d like to share with me,” asked Reese reluctantly. At some point, this was going to backfire at him spectacularly.  
“There is something I actually would, Mr. Reese,” said Harold eyeing Reese with narrowed eyes. “Do you know anything about post traumatic stress disease? Or PSTD, if you’d like.”  
“A little bit. Why,” asked Reese, unsure where this was going.  
“Because I think we have an acute case,” said Harold with a determined voice that caused Reese’s skin to form goose bumps. And he always considered himself a though one.  
“And by that you mean…?”  
“And by that I mean Ms. Groves has it, Mr. Reese. Although one could try to find out more about your sleepless nights, too,” said Harold, now turning in his office chair completely to face Reese.  
“Ah. You really do think she has it, don’t you,” said Reese, carefully avoiding the hint Harold directed at him.  
“Yes. And it makes me really worried, because she absolutely refuses to talk about her health. Or sickness, should I say. She looks as if she hadn’t slept through a whole night in months, which is probably a mild guess. I bet she doesn’t eat either. And the jumpy state she’s in every time she comes here makes me think she has some serious problems with her nerves.”  
“I guess you’re right…,” mumbled Reese.  
“And don’t think I don’t know about her drinking problem, too. I also know about your helping her every time she drinks too much. I think we have ignored it for too long. She needs our help, not our ignorance. There is obviously a raging battle inside of her head, and she doesn’t know how to solve it by herself.”  
“Finch, Shaw has been abducted months ago now. We all miss her, but she misses her the most. Neither of us was connected to Shaw the way Root was, the way she still is.”  
“I know that, Mr. Reese. But we cannot allow her to destroy herself.”  
“I agree. That’s why I was-“  
“Mr. Reese, you punching the guys Ms. Groves gets into fight with or your bringing her to Ms. Shaw’s apartment and making sure she’d drink enough water for her hangover to be less of a killing one in the next morning is not what I mean,” said Harold calmly.  
“Everyone of us does what he can, Finch,” snapped Reese.  
“And that’s hardly been enough! Do you want your relationship with Ms. Morgan to end? And don’t try to convince me everything’s going well between you to,” said Harold with glaring eyes.  
“I don’t want to talk about me and Zoe! So cut it, Harold, and tell me what you propose,” asked Reese, now with irritated voice.  
“Mr. Reese, if we carry on like this, she’s not going to feel any better, and you know that. We have to help Ms. Groves to face her problems. Ms. Shaw may never come back, and we cannot allow Ms. Groves to become Decima’s victim too.”  
“Wait, wait… do you really think our search for Shaw is futile? Because if you do-,” started Reese, only to be interrupted by Harold’s voice.  
“It may as well be, Mr. Reese. All the things we tried didn’t bring us any closer to finding out where Decima is keeping her. Sometimes…even more often than sometimes, I wonder if Ms. Shaw really is still alive.” Harold’s voice was low and sad as he spoke those words. His eyes were watery and his glance directed at some point on the floor beside Reese’s left leg.  
“I think you’re wrong, Finch. Shaw is alive and it is our duty as her friends to find and rescue her. The more we dwell about it, the more time passes. And time isn’t our friend here.”  
“Indeed, Mr. Reese. But I can hardly think of anything we haven’t tried already,” said Harold, his voice small and calm.  
“Well, we still have the Machine. How the hell doesn’t She know where Shaw is,” replied Reese angrily. The doubts about the abilities and intentions of the Machine, which he discovered in himself after Carter was killed, never really ceased to exist. With time, he decided to ignore them and follow Harold’s and Root’s example, believing more in them than in the Machine. But when Shaw was taken by the Samaritan, and the Machine didn’t really help them at all, Reese didn’t know what to think anymore. In those long nights he spent staring at the ceiling, with Zoe’s back turned at him after another fight over his strange behavior, he would indulge into thinking about the Machine and the strange ways in which She (he accepted Root’s thinking about the Machine in the female form, whereas Harold spoke about her as ‘it’ ) marked their lives, bringing them all together like the One Ring. He just hoped that Her intentions were not the same. And if he was sure about something, then it was the fact that Harold was not similar to Sauron at all, the mere thought causing him to smirk.  
“I have already told you. I asked the Machine more than a few times. And I got nothing. There must be a reason for its strange behavior…”  
“And just what would that be,” snapped Reese. The thing that made him even more worried was the fact that Root started to doubt the Machine too. Not that she’d admit it out loud when she was sober, but when he’d bring her to Shaw’s apartment, which happened more often than he liked, and she was still able to talk, she’d brag about all the things that had made her worried. Which were, basically, Shaw and the Machine. And in those dark nights, Reese discovered that Root doubted Her more than any of them. If that was because she’d used to trust Her more than any of them, or because she’d loved Shaw more than any of them, he didn’t know.  
“Well, there IS the Samaritan, Mr. Reese. The Machine has to be careful too, or Decima would find out where it is. And I dare not think about what that would mean for us. And for the rest of the world.” Harold was getting tired of this conversation.  
“So, that basically means we have to use our own resources in order to find Shaw, am I right?”  
“I’m afraid you are, Mr. Reese. And there’s just that…,” started Harold, but his voice trailed off.  
“What is it, Finch” asked Reese unnerved. Harold’s glance flinched, as if he had just been pulled out of some private hell, a strange grimace on his face.  
“It’s just that I’m afraid of other possible meanings of the Machine’s behavior, considering Ms. Shaw,” Harold said cautiously.  
“And which would those be?”  
“Well, I must say I don’t really like either of them,” said Harold, shaking his head sadly. When Reese remained silent, raising one eyebrow at him, he continued. “First, there’s a possibility that Decima is keeping Ms. Shaw somewhere so dangerous, that going there in order to rescue her would be the end of us. And the Machine is trying to avoid losing us all, so it maintains its silence in order to protect us.”  
Reese decided to keep his lips sealed and braced himself for another round.  
“Which I can understand in some way, although I must say I am not happy about it either,” added Harold.  
“Haven’t you taught Her to consider each human’s life equally valuable? Why does She think that our lives are more important than Shaw’s,” snapped Reese, his voice irritated.  
“You know I have, Mr. Reese. But right now, there’s nothing I can do to change the ways in which it works. And I have also taught it to estimate the best chances for saving as many lives it could, if more than one human life is in danger. I just…think it calculated our chances, and the result is keeping us in the dark, considering the saving of Ms. Shaw,” said Harold sadly.  
“And what’s the other possibility,” asked Reese incredulously.  
“The other possibility,” said Harold, repeating his words, as if in order to gain more time, “is that Ms. Shaw IS already dead. And the Machine isn’t helping us to find her, because there is nothing we can find.”  
“I just refuse to believe that, Finch. If that’s true, it’d only be fair of Her to tell us so. Then we could move on. Root could mourn properly and also move on in the end,” said Reese with a deep frown.  
“I’m afraid Ms. Groves will never really move on, Mr. Reese,” mumbled Harold.  
“Let’s hope that’s because she won’t have to, Finch, because we’ll find Shaw.”  
“Let’s hope, Mr. Reese,” said Harold, turning back to stare at his monitors. This conversation was over, at least for now.

  
**

  
Root was leaning against some old and rusty alley wall, trying to prepare herself for stopping the number, who, this time, was also a perpetrator. Today she chased a bad one, a piece of shit that had been regularly beating his wife for the last five years. Apparently, he was also selling guns in his neighborhood, which made him pretty popular. And by popular, Root meant that he had an affair with some woman, who happened to be the wife of his colleague at work. Now the two of them planned to abduct her husband just after he gets out of his workplace and kill him, and Harold assigned Root on the task of saving the victim by making sure the number’s plan fails.

  
Which was why Root was currently in some shitty alley, wearing a (black) hoodie, (black) denim pants and a pair of Doc Martens shoes, waiting for the number’s car to appear, in order to abduct the victim. Reese had promised to help her, and Harold insisted on two of them doing it together, but she had told them she’d manage this one on her own. She also told them she was perfectly capable of taking care of herself, although even she did not believe the words that came out of her mouth. She doubted she managed to convince them, catching Harold’s suspicious look and half-smile on Reese’s face.  
She was so fed up with all the feelings she felt inside of herself, with all the insecurity she felt ever since the Stock Exchange, with all the worried looks she had got from Harold and Reese in the last couple of months. Even with the Machine, which was silent when she needed Her to speak and couldn’t stop bragging when Root just wanted to be alone. She wanted to stop all of it for once, but didn’t know how, or if it’s even possible. The feeling of being torn up inside, between the past and the present was killing her, suffocating her to the point where she gasped for air, grabbing the first solid thing beside her, until her knuckles were flashing white and her lungs burning. Sometimes she was afraid she’d die just like that, somewhere in between the nightmares and reality, not being able to distinguish them anymore. And the worst was that she wasn’t even sure what was her fault, and what wasn’t, her mind finding the guilt in her calling Shaw from the Stock Exchange, in her allowing Shaw to pull the fence between them with the Samaritan’s agents approaching. Or in her ever telling Shaw about her feelings, because if she didn’t know, maybe she wouldn’t come…

  
Root needed a distraction from her current state of mind and doing a number seemed like a good idea at the time. That morning she had the feeling something would happen today, but since the Machine stopped talking to her, she didn’t know what would that be. In the desperate need of a change, anything that would make a difference, she decided to take care about this number on her own. So she came to the scene a little bit earlier than Reese, in attempt to finish this by herself.  
Right now her back hurt, and her hands were trembling and sweating, unable to firmly grip the gun. She silently cursed, hoping to end this as quick as possible. She needed a drink and her (Shaw’s) bed so badly. Around those two she would be safe (if that’s possible at all).

  
When the car came, Root rushed out of the alley, and into the main street, coming in front of the entrance of the building the victim was living in, just in time when he opened the door from the inside and headed out. The doors of the car were still closed, as if the people inside haven’t decided yet if they’d like to commit a crime or not.

  
And then it happened.

  
In one second, the victim made a step or two towards the road, heading for the left side of the street. In another second the doors of the car opened, and the man wearing a ski-mask came out, grabbing the victim’s waist from behind.  
Root’s reaction was quick, as she shot the masked guy (probably their number) in the knee. He made a surprised yelp, turning around to see who shot him, as he was falling on the ground, with the victim on top of him. When his eyes caught Root, he narrowed them, and she recognized the look of a man who’s accustomed to beating the shit out of women, not being shot by them. Which was why he tried to shoot her as she attempted to pull the victim (who has yelling and kicking by then, unable to free himself as he was the smaller one of the two) out of his grip. Root supposed he had aimed at her chest, but he managed to shoot her shoulder. The good one, not the one Shaw had shot her in so many months before.

  
As Root was falling down, she heard Reese’s voice coming from the distance, shouting her name. The pain she felt was almost unbearable. She felt the blood pouring from the gunshot wound, and soaking her shirt, the dizziness clouding her brain as Reese finally came and knocked down their number/perp with one swift kick in the head. That one won’t be able to stand so soon, thought Root, wondering at the same time where did those little stars come from. She tried to stay awake, propping herself on her good (or less bad) shoulder, but her head just wouldn’t allow her to go any further. She closed her eyes for a second, and found out it was so hard to open them again, opting for blindness for another minute.

  
**

  
When Root opened her eyes again, she wasn’t lying on the street, but was in a bed instead. It felt strangely familiar, and she recognized the walls of Harold’s safe apartment’s “medical” room. She felt a fierce pain in her shoulder, and immediately felt the panic kicking in. What if she could never use this hand for shooting? What if… no. She must not think about it now.  
Chancing a peek at her shoulder, she gently moved the soft fabric of a shirt someone had put on her while she was unconscious, and found out someone had also put clean bandages on her wound. That someone must’ve been Reese or Harold, she thought, hoping they had also cleaned the wound. As she remembered, the bullet had gone through her shoulder, which meant that at least they didn’t have to dig it out.

  
Root tried to detect sounds of another breathing person in the apartment, but everything seemed so still and silent, so she concluded she was alone. And so stupid! What did she think about, trying to do the number without Reese’s help? When did she become so childish and impulsive?

  
Root sighed, closing her eyes again. She wished Bear was there, he’d at least jump happily and put his front paws on the bed, trying to reach her with his nose. Even more, she wished Shaw was there… she had the most gentle hands when it came to patching Root up, or doing some stitches while sitting on their couch…

**

 _Root laughed again, elbow kicking Shaw in her ribs. One Way or another, she was gonna get what she wanted. She just loved the process of negotiation with Sameen._  
_“C’mon, Sameen, we could have sooo much fun!”_  
_“No.”_  
_“Don’t be afraid, I’ll hold your hand, sweetie.”_  
_“No.”_  
_“I’ll even buy you a BIG popcorn.”_  
_“I said no, Root. Which part of no you don’t understand?”_

  
_Root sighed. This situation required extreme measures_

  
_“Sameen, I’ll buy you a Batman hoodie. And a big popcorn. And an ice cream.”_  
_“They really do sell Batman hoodies,” asked Shaw, her eyes now wide._  
_“Yes, sweetie.”_  
_“Ummm… no. Well, maybe. If I don't have to do this for another month or two." Shaw was obviously not happy about where this was going, but she Did want this hoodie, there was no denying it._

 _“Alright. But I have one condition, too,” added Root, smirk on her face._  
_“Spill it,” said Shaw, her thoughts wandering at the promise of a Batman hoodie._  
_“You’ll have to hold my hand. In the subway, in the cinema, on the street. Can you survive that?”_  
_Root could’ve sworn Shaw’s brownish face just got a slight shade lighter, but she didn’t really care._  
_“Ok, Root. I can do that. Just when does that movie start?”_  
_“In an hour. Pick your stuff, we’re going,” said Root, while remaining still on the couch, wearing nothing but her bra and sweatpants._  
_“What, you’re going to wear this,” Shaw’s voice was filled with disbelief._  
_“As much as I’d enjoy that look on your face, sweetie, I must disappoint you. I’ll wear that blue dress you saw the other day. You know, the one you ignored so purposefully.” Now, Root’s face was all one big grin._  
_“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Shaw got off the couch in one swift move, heading for the bedroom. But Root was not just giving up._  
_Shaw entered the bedroom, as she felt a push in her back, and she fell on the bed, the soft mattress vibrating below her body._  
_“Root-“ Shaw stopped as Root’s hand touched her back, lightly massaging her shoulders. In another second, she felt Root’s other hand, gripping her ass. After that, a low hum was all she managed to produce._  
_“Hush, sweetie. We got just enough time to have a quickie, and get in the cinema before the movie starts. I just have to… take off those clothes of yours. You won’t need them, I presume.” Root felt Shaw’s body stiffen below her palms, as she took off her pants in one pull, and unclasped her bra in another. Then she grabbed Shaw’s side and turned her so she was now lying on her back. That was a look Root could stare at for the rest of her life. But right now, she didn’t have enough time to admire th_ is beautiful woman, who was looking at her with wide eyes.  
_“You’re so-“ Shaw was stopped again, as Root’s left hand brushed against her crotch, moving to graze the skin on Shaw’s thigh with her nails._  
_“Don’t speak, Sameen. I’d also like to remove your panties, if you don’t mind," said Root with a wolfish grin._  
_All she got from Shaw was the shaking of her head, so she gently pulled off the only remaining piece of clothing Shaw wore, while trying to save that image in her brain for later (scientific purposes, of course)._  
_Root positioned herself above Shaw, placing one knee between her legs and grinding, enjoying the surprised moaning she got in return. Her hands gently caressed the naked body below hers, brushing every scar with love and passion, until her right hand found Shaw’s left nipple and pinched it lightly. It was so purple and obviously aroused, Root couldn’t resist to put it in her mouth and suck it until a whimper came out of Shaw’s mouth, the motion between her legs never stopping._  
_“I’m gonna do something for you now,” said Root with a slightly lower voice than usual. “Be a good girl and lift up your head now.”_  
_Root pulled out a black tie from under the pillow (she placed it there earlier that day, hihi) and tied it tightly around Shaw’s head, so her eyes were covered fully and she wasn’t able to see a thing._  
_“You can put your head back on the pillow, Sameen. I’ll continue immediately, that I promise you,” grinned Root, lowering her head to bite Shaw’s neck behind her left ear, and relishing in the shudder it caused. So she bite again, and again, kissing it lightly in between the bites. Shaw’s hands were gripping her back hard, nails raking her skin, and Root enjoyed the warmth it caused, the tingling feeling in her nerves._  
_Her left hand wandered down Shaw’s body, finally finding the centre of her desire, and sliding trough the soft dark curls, right into where Shaw needed her the most._  
_As her fingers slid into Shaw, she started to slowly pull them out and then even more slowly push them in, until Shaw’s breathing became almost annoyed. Root smirked silently, glad that Shaw couldn’t see her now, smirk replaced with a wicked grin as her other hand slowly brushed Shaw’s slightly parted lips. It was something Shaw didn’t expect, but when Root grazed her tongue with her nail, Shaw gladly sucked on two of her fingers. At the same time, the action down below continued as slow as possible._  
_When Root’s fingers where thoroughly licked, moistening properly, she moved backwards, so both her hands were able to touch Shaw where she wanted it, and placed two wet fingers on her now swollen clit. The loud moan she got was almost enough for Root to come. Ohmygod, this woman is gonna be the end of her!_  
_The pace of her fingers that were inside of Shaw became faster and stronger, as both her hands were now moving, and Shaw moaned so beautifully, her breathing so erratic, as if her heart was about to jump out of her chest. She glanced upwards, only to see that Shaw’s hands were now gripping the bed sheets behind her head without mercy, her eyes probably tight shut behind the tie._  
_Root glanced at the clock – 5 more minutes and they should get ready to go. Time to spice things up._  
_She lowered her head, so her mouth was just above Shaw’s clit, and breathed hot air at it, in long and slow breathes. Shaw shuddered almost immediately, a whimper escaping her lips. And then Root’s lips finally got where she knew Shaw wanted them, earning her a series of LOUD moans, so sexy Root almost started to moan herself in response._  
_With her mouth and her fingers now working together, Root could feel Shaw’s muscles clenching slowly around her, and she quickened the pace of her fingers, sucking Shaw’s clit at the same time, enjoying the sensation of the soft sensitive flesh between her lips and tongue. Mmm, delicious!_  
_Up there, Shaw’s knuckles where white from clenching around the pillow, as she was fast approaching the orgasm, the muscles in her body clenching and unclenching rapidly, and as Root finally sucked her clit at the same time as her fingers hit the clit from below, a lightwave hit Shaw fast and hard and strong and everything, and her muscles clenched on their own will, as she moaned Root’s name…_

 

 


	4. It's all about popcorn

_So, Root and Shaw's movie night was stillborn, which became obvious the moment they entered the bedroom. As much as Root wanted to go to cinema to watch that Martian movie, she wanted Shaw even more – it was out of doubt._

_The next morning, Root opened her eyes to the smell of the freshly baked pancakes and sound of good old hard rock from the kitchen. Shaw was nowhere to be seen, so she got up from the bed and tiptoed to the balcony. There sat Shaw, embracing her knees, the distant look in her eyes._

_“Morning, sweetie,” Root chirped._

_“Morning.”_

_“I hope it’s a good one?”_

_“Well, it depends.”_

_“On what?” Root’s stomach twisted lightly. What’s she talking about now?_

_“Umm… on the possibility of me having to go to watch that movie?” Shaw was still looking somewhere at the horizon. Root wondered why is it so hard for her to step a foot in the cinema. It was not as if she didn’t try to ask. Shaw just turned all her questions down, simply refusing to go. Last night, Root had thought she managed to trick Shaw into agreeing to go, but in the end, she gave that up for the…most amazing sex with the woman she really… liked? Definitely worth it. Not that Root really complained, she could live without romantic movie nights. Or go to cinema alone. Or force Fusco to go with her. Whatever._

_“Sameen, you don’t have to go with me. I just thought it would be nice for the two of us doing something together-“_

_“But we do something together all the time.”_

_“-and by that I don’t mean having sex.” Root leaned at the balcony doorframe, smirk on her face._

_“Root-“_

_“-and by that I also don’t mean shooting people in the kneecaps. Or taking Bear to the park.”_

_Shaw just scoffed. Then she embraced her knees even stronger than before._

_“Sweetie, it’s all right. We can do ANYTHING else. Like take a cooking course, guitar course, karate…”_

_“Root, I thought the point was to do something for both of us. And I already know how to cook, play guitar, and I can assure you I also know some karate tricks.” Root couldn’t believe her eyes – the corners of Shaw’s mouth were almost forming a smirk. Devilish one, by the way. That little-_

_“What?” A second passed and Shaw was looking as innocent as she could, now trying not to laugh, and not succeeding at all._

_“I know that smirk, Sameen.”_

_“Do you? I mean – what smirk?”_

_“That one you got when you’re hungry and smug. And also horny, since I’m wearing this almost transparent pajamas.” Root winked and turned to go to the kitchen. After all, there were supposed to be some pancakes, right?_

_While she was stuffing her mouth with some of the best pancakes she’s ever had, Root felt strong hands embracing her from behind. She leaned back to feel Shaw’s soft breasts and collarbone. Could this morning get any better?_

_“Alright, I’ll take you to the cinema. But I still want that Batman hoodie. And the biggest popcorn they have.”_

_Obviously, it could._

_“It’s a deal, sweetie. And you’re not taking me, I’m taking you.” Root heard a loud huff, but the embrace remained unchanged._

_“Okay. What are we even going to watch? I don’t remember you sharing that information with me.”_

_“That Martian movie. You know, science and shit.” Root chanced a glance at the woman holding her tightly in an embrace. Sameen Shaw may have lost a battle, but not the whole war. And she was fucking Alexander the Great of wars. Completely with gay and all._

_“Pff, I always knew you’re a nerdling. Just hope it’s not contagious.”_

_“Look who’s talking. I cannot even start to compete with your medical degree, sweetheart.”_

_Shaw blushed a little, and Root felt a sudden urge to grab her and throw her at the nearest wall. Ohmygod, is there any possibility of them actually watching that movie in this life?_

_“Stop looking so sweet or we’re never go watch the Martian.”_

_Root could see Shaw was actually considering both options. To be sweet (which Shaw never did, of course!) or to go to the cinema (ugh, although for the reasons unknown to Root). Root was almost amused. And then Shaw let go of her and headed for her bedroom to change. Even though Root missed the contact and warmth, she knew it better than to complain. There’s a movie at 4pm and they still have enough time to take a walk, have a lunch somewhere nice and get to the cinema in time._

_***_

_They decided to have a lunch at the small but nice Chinese restaurant, which Shaw really liked. Root was not a big fan of the Chinese cuisine, in fact she preferred the French one. But she wouldn’t complain even if they had lunch in the ZOO. Shaw’s presence was what mattered._

_As Shaw was devouring her dumplings and Gongbao chicken, Root watched her amused. There was something to this strong woman and her incessant love for food._

_“Sameen, can I ask you something?” Root was not sure this was her smartest move, but hey – Shaw’s the happiest when she’s eating, so maybe she’d trick her into revealing why she hates cinema so much._

_“Yeah, sure.” Shaw responded with her mouth full of meat. But all the fun of the situation was lost on Root the moment she remembered she was actually taking Shaw to one of those right now. Maybe it was not such a good idea to start the questioning now. But, alas, alea iacta est._

_“Would you like to tell me, sweetie, why do you…um…unlike going to cinema so much?”_

_Shaw threw an annoyed look at her. Combined with the eye roll. Not a good idea, indeed. And then came the answer._

_“My dad used to take me to cinema when I was a little. You know, for cartoons and such stuff. I really liked it back then…”_

_Root remained silent. So, this was the reason. Was she pushing it too far with all this Martian movie?_

_“…and when he died, I never went to cinema again. Until today, that is.”_

_Root could feel her eyes uncomfortably pricking, the tears accumulating and threatening to fall. Damn her stupid ideas._

_“Root?”_

_Was it really necessary to do all this? And for what? She could’ve easily download the damn movie and watch it all by herself. Or go to cinema alone. Really, Root, wtf._

_“Root, what’s wrong? Root… don’t be sad. I’m a big girl now. Besides, I’m going with you today. You’re the only person I… liked, since my dad died. So I’m gonna be alright.”_

_It took Root all her strength not to burst into tears right there. She was sure that Chinese owners of the place would consider it a personal offence. Ohmygod, she loved this woman so much! And did she just say she liked her? Almost casually even!_

_“I’m…I’m alright. Don’t worry about me, sweetie. I promise to make this evening special to you.” Root’s mind immediately came up with twenty different ideas, and the Machine offered another fifty. This was going to be an interesting evening, indeed._

_“Don’t doubt that. Should we go now?”_

_“Yes, Sameen. Right after you wipe the sauce off your chin.” Root managed to smirk, thankful for the disappearance of the tears in her eyes._

_***_

_In the cinema, Root bought the biggest popcorn she could find and managed to buy the tickets for the last row. So far, things were perfect._

_“Sweetie, I hope you don’t mind, I’ve bought us love seats.” Root chirped, amazed with the blush that appeared on Shaw’s cheeks._

_“I don’t. Just don’t jump at me if there’s some scary scenes.”_

_“Pff, like that’s ever gonna happen. Don’t you be the one who does that.”_

_“Not a chance.”_

_The movie started and both of them watched it with utmost attention. Root really liked science fiction movies, which almost meant she liked Ridley Scott too. Aliens were on top of her best movies list, right beside the Matrix trilogy._

_At some point came the scene where the omnipotent storm suddenly raged through the little of buildings the main character had successfully inhabited and then it happened. Shaw jumped, unable to control her shoot and fight reflexes. And with that the can of popcorn flew into the air and spilled all over the floor. For a moment neither of them moved, and then Root wasn’t able to suppress the urge to burst into laugh. She almost choked, trying not to be too loud, since there were other people too. Obviously, Shaw didn’t find it so hilarious and took Root’s can with one swift movement. Which was entirely unacceptable for Root. Who then grabbed it with both hands and tried to get it back. Push. Pull. Push. Pull._

_And then Shaw’s mouth hit Root’s. Her hands loosened the grip on the can, giving in to the kiss. But Shaw just hummed, satisfied with herself, and turned to watch the movie, now with Root’s can in her hands._

_Ugh, that woman!_

_As the movie went on, Root was planning revenge. Up to that point, she was both fuming and horny, both caused by the presence of Shaw right next to her in the darkness of the cinema. And then an idea formed in her head. This is going to be so good._

_Root’s right hand slipped under the popcorn can Shaw was holding, right between her legs. She felt Shaw’s body stiffening beside her and then came a low hiss._

_“Root! Just what are you doing?!”_

_“Reclaiming my territory, sweetie.”_

_“Wha-“_

_“And since you took my popcorn, I’m going to take an orgasm out of you.”_

_“Stop right there!“_

_“Also, since we’re watching an SF movie, you could say I’m going to fuck you right into the future.”_

_“Oh no, you won’t. I’m the one who was not happy about coming here so I think I have to cheer myself up somehow. Take off your pants.”_

_Root’s eyes widened in disbelief. Did she really say that? Sameen, her Sameen? She quickly took of her pants, hoping that no one sees them in the dark._

_“And hold this for me.” Having said that, Shaw put the popcorn can into Root’s hands._

_A moment later, Shaw was kneeling between Root’s legs, eager to get into the business. She grabbed both her legs with her hands, embracing her to position herself properly. Her tongue was trailing wet kisses up Root’s inner thighs, and Root had to bite hard not to moan loudly._

_Shaw’s left hand gently cupped Root’s labia, massaging it before lightly pulling apart the lips so her tongue can do what she planned. Root felt like she was on fire, knowing she was already wet. Hell, maybe she was even wet since the last night. Horny is a state of mind she’s always in when she’s around Shaw. Or when she hears her voice. Or when she thinks of her. Crap. Horny is now a state of her mind. Period._

_Shaw’s tongue was placing light circles around Root’s clit, lowering every now and then to lick the whole length of her labia. The sensation was amazing. Root couldn’t hold her breathing anymore and began to moan slightly under her breath. The movie was loud enough so no one will notice, said her mind._

_Then Shaw’s tongue entered Root and her hips rose from the seat to arch as much as possible. And to give Shaw as much access as she could. Shaw’s tongue got even deeper into her and her whole body squirmed, the popcorn can shaking in her trembling hands. Damn you…_

_“…Sameen!” Root hissed. “If you think I can endure this and not let out any sound at all-“_

_The answer came in the form of closing Shaw’s lips hardly around Root’s clit. Which sent a lightning sensation trough all her nerves. She whispered a curse, tossing the popcorn can somewhere aside and opting for biting her own elbow to muffle the scream she almost let out._

_But Shaw was merciless. She began altering between licking Root’s clit, then biting it ever so lightly, then licking her way south, then licking around Root’s entrance, only to push her tongue inside. And then replay the whole protocol._

_Up to the point where Root was almost delirious. And sure she’ll have permanent scars on her right elbow. Her crotch was now almost completely risen from the seat, her back arched in order to give Shaw anything she needed to make her come. Fuck you into the future just got a practical meaning._

_“Oh God!” Root whispered, feeling the muscles in her body tensing in a familiar way. She was almost there. She mustn’t moan loudly, she mustn’t. She must not. Moan._

_Shaw’s tongue flicked over Root’s clit. Then she sucked on it hard, her chin grinding at her labia, and Root’s universe narrowed into a small point. Full of nerve endings which exploded._

_A loud moan escaped Root’s lips, followed by the soft whimpers, as Shaw continued her ministrations. On the display, the space shuttle just exploded, but Root had no idea which movie it was anymore._

_Shaw was merciless, licking her so long and so hard, that she felt her nerves tingling again. Her legs began to shake violently, and she’d fall to the floor if it wasn’t for Shaw, who was still kneeling down there, determined to make her come once more._

_Cursing herself for not being strong enough to push Shaw away, Root felt the warmth spread through her muscles again, followed by tensing and shaking. Shaw was now kissing her clit with such an attention as if her life depended on it. It was only so much Root could endure. A second orgasm hit her even harder than the previous, sending her to Mars. Or Pluton. Or Alpha Centauri. Ohmygod!_

_Shaw pulled her face from Root’s crotch. She was all wet, a smug smile on her face._

_***_

_Root and Shaw walked out of the cinema, ignoring the strange looks other people directed at them._

_“Enjoyed the movie, Sameen?”_

_“Absolutely.”_

_“Thought so.”_

_“Yeah? Why?”_

_“Because of that smug smile of yours.” Root smiled, thinking about how much she adored Sameen. She’ll tell her that. One of these days, for sure._

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own the characters and the verses I use in the chapters.  
> If you see any grammatical errors, please let me know.


End file.
